People at concerts

May 25, 2017

 

 

General Admission concerts are great. Usually within a smaller venue, you can sway to the music, bop around on the dance floor, and overall have a great time. However, every party has a pooper. Here are the top kinds of people that everyone hates at concerts:

 

 

1. Awkwardly tall humans

 

The tall guy who literally takes up your entire view of everything. You move to the right, he's there. You move to the left, oops he moves positions as well. WHY IS THERE NO ESCAPING YOU, YOU AWKWARDLY TALL HUMAN? Move to the back because you're probably still going to have a perfectly clear view.

 

2.  Sloppy drunk bitches

 

Don't get me wrong, I like to drink at concerts just as much as the next girl, but learn how to hold your liquor. Nobody wants you hanging all over them or having your puke-covered hands touching them. And please, oh please oh please oh please, if you're going to vomit, GO TO THE BATHROOM OR THE NEAREST TRASHCAN; my feet are not an appropriate location for your puke.

 

3. Clingy couples

 

PDA is fine, but to a certain extent. If you're grinding on your boy-toy at a country concert, keep your movements to a minimum rather than dropping it low and picking it up slow and putting us all to shame. This isn't a strip club; I don't want to see you twerking and having your Pikachu making an appearance outside of your daisy dukes. Oh, and keep your tongues inside your mouths until after the show, please.

 

4. Feuding lovers

 

Flying drinks, fists, slaps, tears, and screams; these are all inappropriate things within normal everyday life, nevermind at a concert where people paid good money to enjoy a show. You wanna go fight with your boyfriend or significant other? Take it outside or call up Jerry Springer and wait for your appointment.

 

5. Pushers

 

"Excuse me! Coming through! That's my friend in the front row." Your nose is huge, ya lying Pinocchio son of a bitch. You can squeeze yaself back behind me, thank you very much.  I mean, some people I won't even be mad about because I see them walk off to the bar and I see them coming back to the same spot. Fine; you're okay in my book. Just keep your elbows to yourself and be polite! God damn, it's really that simple.

 

6. Brusher-uppers

 

Why are you standing so close to me? Keep your hands to yourself and stop trying to touch my boobs and/or butt by accident but clearly on purpose. Also, stop being the Brainy to my Helga in Hey Arnold, ya deep breather over my shoulder.

 

7. Drink spillers

 

Whether you nudge my arm and make me spill my own drink, or inappropriately spill your own on me, I hate you either way. My Captain and coke costs good money, man, so you better go buy me another if you plan on spilling even ONE DROP of this.

 

8. Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men

 

There are always those individuals that think they're containing their dance moves appropriately, but to everyone else, your limbs are wildly flapping in the wind.

 

9. Macho men

 

What's even worse than crazy dancers? People that don't dance at all. NO ONE IS TOO COOL TO DANCE, YA STICK IN THE MUD. Move your hips or move out of the way. Go to the back of the crowd. Go lean against the wall. Even better, GO HOME.

 

10. Woo-girls

 

Can you even hear the music over your own wailing school-girl screams? Yeah, I didn't think so. Sing along or GTFO, ya filthy animals.

 

11. The foot stomper

 

Why do I always think it's a grand idea to wear sandals to concerts? There's always going to be that pusher, brusher-upper, or sloppy drunk bitch that is going to stumble and stomp the yard on my precious little piggies. My toes can't handle all this trauma, ya assholes.

 

12. The conversationalist

 

If I wanted to listen to the history behind beer or how many children the artist performing has, I would be at home in my own bed pantless surfing Wikipedia and not at a concert. I'm here to enjoy the music and not you talking my ear off.

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

What is Shift Work Sleep Disorder (SWSD)?!

August 1, 2019

Nurse Appreciation Award 2018

November 3, 2018

1/9
Please reload