As I happily tuck myself into bed at 9:45pm on a Friday evening, I find my mind wondering what everyone else in the world is doing.
Girls are curling their hair and checking out how they look in crop-tops and high-waisted skirts in their full-body mirrors. Me? I'm taking out my contacts, cleaning my retainers, and lathering acne cream on my face.
Guys are ripping shots of Fireball in their apartments to pregame before a night out at the local pub "for the boys." Me? I'm taking off my bra and dangling the shoulder straps in front of my cats as they swat at the clasps and scratch at my toes.
Girls are fixing their busts and packing a shoulder bag with extra concealer and lipstick as they call an uber to drive them to the local night club. Me? I'm raiding my snack cabinet and seriously contemplating demolishing an entire box of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies in one sitting.
Guys are leaning on the edge of the bar and scoping out the scene to attempt to pick up chicks as girls re-apply foundation in a back corner before heading to the dance floor for "Yeah" by Usher since after 5 beers, OMG OMG it's their jam. Me? I'm cueing up Finding Dory on Netflix for the 47th time as I eat my Spongebob-shaped macaroni and cheese.
I am a lame human, and I'm partially okay with it.